He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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