Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
