I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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