Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
