and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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