I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
