another moral hangover. fuck.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
