She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
