I heard we made out
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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