i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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