Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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