wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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