Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Randomize
