oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
