what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
