i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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