it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
