She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
