he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
