rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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