I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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