hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
