i love accidental penises.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
