Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
