is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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