So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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