now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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