I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
