its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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