After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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