You're completely useless in the revolution.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
