Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
only if we run a train.
done.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
