Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
