porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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