Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
