you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
