You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
