My brain says no but my pants say off.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
