You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
