I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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