my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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