if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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