True but thats because hes a fetus.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
