we have officially lost it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
