I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
