Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
