I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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