last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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