You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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