Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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