Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.