Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
