apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm always down for nudity.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
