You really coming over, don't trick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
