are you so shy because you have an std?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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