We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
