sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
