I want to make a zoo with you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
