and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My feet surprised me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
