We're like a lot better than the average bears
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.