Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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