The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.