I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️