its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
