Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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