I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
