Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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