Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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