we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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