I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
