Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
