I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
pray to the hookup gods
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
