just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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