Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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