I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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