I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
