that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
