It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
