On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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