Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
