Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A+ Viking dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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