Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
